Michaelpalooza

The Michael Jackson funeral/memorial/tribute/concert/theme park will be held today. Think of the biggest concert you ever went to. Let's see, mine would be Lollapalooza back in 1994. Smashing Pumpkins, Beastie Boys and A Tribe Called Quest. Then think of the biggest funeral you ever saw. I didn't attend it, but I saw Lady Di's on tv. If you combine both events, that's what you'll get today at the Staples Center.

This whole scene is kinda weird. Michael Jackson was one of the biggest entertainer ever. Can't take that away from him. But often is the case, his death has transformed him into something even greater. Up until now, the most revered person in the history of this planet has been JC, Jesus Christ. Seems as though now, his lead is slipping



These people are really pushing it. I mean c'mon, it's a friggin stain on a tree. It could be anything. You keep looking at it long enough and you'll eventually see what you want to see.

Personally, I think it looks like Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw massacre.

Chick Magnet

It's official...the people(all 10 of you) have spoken. The Hoff is the Top sex symbol of All-Time. No arguments from me. Let us all bask in his glory:

Classy

Cool


Cut

The Hoff is a five-tool player.

You're welcome.

The Sea of Cortez

My Sneakers

I just bought a pair of nylon, Nike Cortez with the blue swoosh from this site. I was going for comfort, plus I like plain sneakers. And also, you can wash the nylon ones, unlike their leather cousins. So the Cortez was the perfect choice.

It's been a while since I last had these things on my feet. As soon as I slipped them on, I was taken back to 1987. I was 13 years old. I was sitting on my couch, eating from a box of Bugles as I watched Teen Wolf on HBO. We had a Zenith television that weighed 220lbs. I weighed 75 lbs. My hair was long and parted in the middle. Later in the day, I rode my Mongoose bike up to Atherton Hough to meet up with some friends and play stickball. I gave up a homerun that almost hit the 216 bus as it passed by(would've been a grandslam if the kid hit it). On our way home, we stopped in at Bernies General Store. I propped the Oakley grip on my bike up against the wall, so it wouldn't fall on the ground(cool bikes didn't have kickstands).

My grips

I bought a Pepsi and candy bar for a little under $1. The $1 bill was a bit sweaty after I pulled it out of my sock. I was always a little nervous when I came down the ramped entryway as I exited Bernies. You never knew if your bike would still be there. Yep, people stole bikes back then too. Before going home, we headed down to the PL for a quick jump. The tide was in so it wasn't that high of a leap. Probably like 15 feet from the railing, 10 feet for the wussies who jumped pylon. Then it was back home to the couch. Just in time. Remote Control was starting on MTV.

My show

Bruno

I have no idea what Borat or Bruno are all about. I'm not a huge fan of that prank/reaction type comedy stuff, so I have not seen either movie.

However I do get a big time Dwyer vibe from both characters.



I'm not really sure what's going on here, but it's funny that they gave the small Asian guy a huge dong, while the big black guy has a case of the Irish curse. There is a also a tranny and a granny on the right. I think the guy on the far left is a Hobbit. This looks like a weird movie.

Madoff Math

Bernie Madoff will spend the rest of his life in prison. After defrauding billions of dollars from investors he was sentenced to 150 years behind bars.


So let's say he stole roughly $20 billion. This means that if can somehow live til he's 221 years old, he'll have to earn somewhere around $133,333,333/year to pay back all of his investors. He'd have to do something extraordinary to make that kind of loot. Internet porn? Cure cancer? Or maybe the Yankees will sign him? Thanks folks, I'll be here all week.




***UPDATE****

Holy shnikes, Simon Cowell could pay off Bernie Madoff investors in 139 years.

Black Eyed Perez

This is a great article about Perez Hilton.

It's funny that guy who made a name for himself by ripping celebrities on his blog is now being shunned by his fellow bloggers. This is akin to a blogging coup. Or like in the end of Roadhouse, when the cops show up to ask questions, and everyone goes with the "I didn't see nuthin". The fat guy couldn't see anything because he had a bear on top of him.

This is lesson for all you bloggers out there, keep your goals very low. Have very few readers, make fun of regular people, including yourself and maybe make one or two posts a week. And never, ever make up a stupid name for yourself like Perez Hilton, or El Prez, for that matter. When you start referring yourself in the third person and actually think that YOU are more important than the words you write, then you are really asking for it.

In case you didn't notice, this is the prototype blog.

Another Poll

Again, just a visual aid for the poll: